The smell of a pie…
The taste…of a pie…
Most obese people admit that just seeing a pie isn’t enough to make them eat it, but as it comes closer the smell and ultimately the taste make it impossible to resist.
Once upon a time humans had to hunt animals and kill them…for there were no pies to hunt.
Pies came later, but even when they did, people didn’t get fat because they had shit clothes, shit houses, shit medicine, shitty difficult jobs, no TV, small brains and daily wars which kept them thin or dead.
Things are different now!
Now it is easer than it has ever been in the HISTORY OF THE UNIVERSE to get your hands, or more importantly your teeth, onto a pie!
Pies make you fat, yes they fucking do, be under no illusions!
Are they as bad as cigarettes…oh yes you bet they are because although you might live longer but you’ll be miserable because there is far far less sex for fat people (take it from one who knows) clothes are hard to find and you can’t always get through fire exits!
What then can we do?
The some local councils suggest that fat people should receive less benefits, they think this will stop them buying pies and it may well do!
But what will they eat instead?
If there is no pie to eat, then they’ll start on children, and then power stations, giant pandas and ultimately…YOU!
Look at your arms, your thumbs, your legs…imagine them bread-crumbed and battered in a red cardboard box with fries and a side of coleslaw with a cup of Sprite on the way!
That’s what fat people will see when they look at you if they are denied their pie money!
The answer is to give the pie it’s own personality, make it a being with a soul and a need for love…who could eat something like that?
That’s why the government are putting microphones inside pies, to make them fight back, to make them talk down the eater and change their ways (inside their heart).
Talking pies are already on the shelves and they are expected to save lives!
If you want to lose weight or want to help someone you love get away from their pie habit, get them a talking pie today!
There is one other thing…if you actually eat a talking pie you’re liable to choke to death…so it’s a win-win!