Stir Try!

Prisoners will go to court later today in a bid to win the right to sue their victims for emotional distress and loss of earnings. In a landmark case brought by serial burglar and thug Chavin Scumsworth, lawyers for convicted criminals will argue that incarceration for their misdemeanours has seriously hampered their human right to freedom of movement and family life. Said Mr Scumsworth; “I got locked up three years ago for beating a ninety year old great grandmother half to death with the back end of a shovel for the sake of the £2.50 in her purse and to be honest its a right pain in the arse. I can’t go to the pub, take the dog for a walk, hang out with my friends or earn a living robbing and stealing. Only my recreational drug habit has been unaffected. By crawling to a phone box and calling the police this selfish old woman wrecked my life and now its about time she paid for it.â€