Grilled Cheese Sandwich to run for Mayor of Austin, Texas

Hot off the Panini Press!

With the Supreme Court’s recent ruling that all people have the right to spend an unlimited amount of money on political campaign contributions, one man has ceased the opportunity to enact legitimate change in his community. That man is Gerald Kindler: a multimillionaire, and newly appointed Chief of Staff for the grilled cheese sandwich that is running for Mayor of Austin, Texas.

Kindler donated nearly $78 million to the sandwich’s campaign, the impact of which can be felt throughout the entire city. He also organized a black-tie charity event for the United Negro College Fund, at which the sandwich gave a high-profile speech.

“The Democrats and Republicans have been buying elections for years,” Kindler claims. “Now that everyone else can do it too, I saw it as a chance to make a difference. Austin is ready to lead the way to a brighter future under the leadership of a grilled cheese sandwich.”

Early polling shows the sandwich at 8% with likely voters.

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

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