Haddicked to Cod

Haddock get a raw deal. They’ve been playing second fiddle to Cod for a long time now, often left to go all dry and flaky in the glass display case while other fish, saveloys, pies, king ribs and other delights are dished out to the public. While you may think this is a good thing, after all if people stop eating Haddock then they can get on with their secret plans for world domination, but there is a matter of honour here. Look at it this way. If your body, and that of a French person were thrown into the sea at the same time, and a shark were to eat them instead of you … wouldn’t that get your back up? So you can see why living Haddock are driven to depression and suicide as a result of this injustice. Anyone who’s eaten Haddock will know that it is a far tastier fish than cod, and also has the benefit of working brilliantly, smoked with a poached egg and mash for breakfast. Who ever heard of smoked Cod for breakfast?

Cod, for their part in this matter, are also up in fins about it for the opposite reason. People keep eating them and not Haddock. Cod hate Haddock. They positively detest them. Beneath the turbulent waters of the North Sea, many wars have been fought between Cod and Haddock clans resulting in large scale slaughter. The Cod is a larger fish, but the nimble Haddock were able to dive between them, like Spitfires at the battle of Britain. Churchill stole many of his best speeches from Haddock!

So I implore you, people of Britain and indeed of the world, eat more haddock, pull out their organs and throw them in the bin! Cover them in batter and fry them, put them in a chowder, make them into face cream or mix them with sherbet! Haddock is the future. Haddock will save the world and ultimately take mankind to new heights, solving the global warming problem, world peace, decent speeches for Miss Universe contestants, guns that fire mice instead of bullets, and all the other pressing issues of mankind. This potential of these humble water folk is limitless, if you would only give them a chance!