Hello world! Are you well? You look fantastic, even with all the wars and biblical plagues going on. Anyway.
Since 2010, we at Haddock News have prided ourselves on delivering only the very best in complete and utter bullshit. Over the years we’ve covered current events, interviewed and reviewed numerous musical acts, and have gotten told to piss off by the Humphrey Bogart Film Festival, all in the pursuit of presenting the highest quality ridiculousness to you, our valued fans.
But the quality of our satirical anarchy in print is only as good as the various nuts, bolts, sprockets, and dental floss that keep our site running. That is why, over the last few months, we’ve been hard at work behind the scenes, getting our act together and bringing in big, burly mechanics to grease our wheels (and oh, did they ever).
So without further ado, here are our major announcements to you, the entirety of planet earth:
No. 1: Rebirth of Fish!
Since our humble beginnings, we’ve been operating Haddock News with “thehaddock.co.uk” as our primary web address. The site looked great, but never operated at adequate speeds. In our effort to fix this problem, we decided that from a perspective of both a branding and accessibility, it serves the organization better to be HaddockNews.com exclusively.
Out with the old, in with HaddockNews.com!
This change coincides with our site moving to a top-of-the-line web host, after being fine-tuned and optimized for performance. Our old URL will redirect to the new site, but from now on HaddockNews.com is where the action lives.
As with such big improvements being made to our brand, we at Haddock News believe that we are ready for every humor-loving weirdo on the planet to know who we are and what we’re all about. It’s time we bring the fish to you.
No. 2: The Haddock Mating Season!
Have you ever felt an untamable urge to make love to one or many fishes? This may sound strange to you as a human, but fish feel this urge all the time. As such, it has come to that time in our lives: time to spread the love.
The Haddock Mating season is about bring Haddock News to as many like-minded headcases as we can. We want to talk to anybody that wants to talk to us. If you write a blog, produce a podcast, or work for President Ibrahim Boubacar Keïta of Mali, operators are standing by.
Very few will be turned away, so take advantage of the opportunity to interact with us before we get big enough to stop caring about others. For more information, shoot an email to editor@HaddockNews.com.
Besides that, we’ve got a ton of new content rolling out, a few film premieres to attend, and are almost ready to launch our online store! It’s all very exciting, so stay tuned to this station!