Greetings, you wonderfully steadfast and completely foul Haddock News supporters! Today is Valentine’s Day, and we just want you to know that we love you. L-O! V-E! There is nothing wrong with using a WASP song to illustrate this point. Go listen to David Sanborn if you disagree.
The “hold you close, get slick and stinky, then spoon and chat about arts and sciences” type of love that you present to us is the greatest gratification in our lives. If we could, we’d spoon with every one of you individually. In fact, if you care to spoon with any of our staff, please send an email. It’s a much simpler process than you might imagine.
Anyway, we’d like to give you a special gift today to thank you for all your love and support. That gift is this beautifully illustrated poster entitled “Laser Owl Saves Valentine’s Day.” Scroll to the bottom of the page to download a high resolution copy of the image, which is currently the wallpaper on every computer at Haddock HQ.
In addition to this gift, we’ve got a very special announcement: This poster, along with several very stylish t-shirt designs and a few other neat items will be available at the Haddock News online store which is coming very soon!!
That’s right folks, in the very near future you will be able to give us money in exchange for Haddock-branded merchandise. How amazing is that?!
Not very? Fuck you!
Happy Valentine’s Day from Haddock News. Support the fish, support Laser Owl, and support yourself (at least enough to maintain a working internet connection to access the site. We don’t care if you eat or anything).