Haddock Newsflash – Jon Stewart out, Australia in, Nobody wins!

A long time ago, a dude named Moses parted the Red Sea. Not to be outdone, Jon Stewart’s cooking up a red tide of his own, leaving The Daily Show in pursuit of comedy through basic biological function. Also, Australia decides that maps are for cunts and crashes the Eurovision Song Contest! Err…just “The Song Contest” now, apparently!

No one wins in any of this, except for Haddock News correspondent Bennet Vindushali. He’s got a sweet new bong!