Haddock Profiles: Harley Svalhelsen, Pet Masseuser

For $450/hr, this man will massage your kitten.

For $450/hr, this man will massage your kitten.

It takes a skilled hand, keen eye, and otherworldly sense of being to properly massage a hedgehog. Thankfully, those are all qualities of Harley Svalhelsen, Professionally Licensed and Bonded Pet Massage Therapist.

He also enjoys Watercolor!

Mr. Svalhelsen has been massaging all types of domestic animals for over twenty-eight years, and he feels great about it. “There is nothing like seeing the tranquility of a fully relaxed goat” has become his personal mantra. He even put it on the side of his van.

Harley became hooked on animal massage after sharing a sauna with a guinea pig at the young age of 7. He recalls the experience as “deeply transformative.” He studied at the Flemish New School of Transcendental Zoology shortly thereafter, where he earned his MFA in Animalian Accupressure with a minor in Cuddling.

Harley Svalhelsen has had numerous high-profile clients, including Air Bud, Sam the orangutan, and the older son Will Smith keeps never talks about who lives in a cave. Paris Hilton once said of Svalhelsen “he’s the greatest dog-rubber I’ve ever seen in person.”

Truly a remarkable individual, worthy of our attention and praise. Find him, and give your goat the tranquility he deserves after all the years of tin cans you’ve been feeding him.

Dr Johannesburg Swivel Posted by on January 13, 2014. Filed under Haddock Animals, Haddock Review. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback to this entry

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *