Having Sex with Ash Trees is causes Fatal Mushroom-Head Disease!

Ash Dieback Mushroom Head Disease - The Haddock

Artists Impression of a man dying from Giant Mushroom-Head Disease after Fucking an Ash Tree!

The Government have issued a stark warning to members of the public who are contemplating having a sexual relationship with an Ash Tree!

They simply say; DON’T!!

Why should they impose such a restriction on human rights?

Why? Because if you do it you’ll get Mushroom-Head disease…

That’s right, if you fuck an Ash tree, giant mushrooms will grow out of your brain and destroy your head.

It’s already happening in country villages and hamlets all over the UK where people are known to shag Ash trees to aleviate the boredom between doeses of Tamazipan.

First you get an itching, then a thumping headache, sweats, vomiting, manaical laughter and then your skull splits open as the giant mushrooms grow out of it.

Two men died in a pub in the village of Bleggy Soppit in Yorkshire after a lock-in!

The landlady came down for a glass of milk to find both men writhing around on the floor, their heads twisted and broken by huge coloured mushrooms.

When the police arrived the mushrooms were gone and the landlady was wandering naked around the garden with a bloodied minge.

She’d eaten the mushrooms, started tripping like mad and tried to insert a bird bath into her vagina!

So…don’t shag Ash Trees and if you find someone who has…DO NOT EAT THE MUSHROOMS WHICH GROW OUT OF THEIR HEADS!

Could we make that any clearer?