Hilary Mantel is made of Rubber!

Kate Middleton Plastic doll

As you can see, Kate is not made of Plastic but Wax

She’s Completely Mantel!

Yes, the portly storyteller who has spent the last ten years trying to convince us that one of the biggest bastards in history (Thomas Cromwell) was really just a misunderstood guy, is made from the same stuff as condoms.

This information has come to light after Mantel herself recently claimed that the Duchess of Cambridge was a plastic doll.

Now, we know that Kate is not a plastic doll as there are many photos of her in various states of undress which suggest otherwise.

And besides, if she were a plastic doll that would suggest that future king; Prince William, can’t get a proper girlfriend and so has to use a prosthetic one…patently ridiculous as ‘Future King’ tops both ‘Racing Driver’ and ‘Astronaut’ as a chat up line and will bag just about any girl on the planet!

A Latextbook Case of a Jealous old Bat!

Hilary Mantel, whilst undoubtedly very clever, is not a hottie and therefore is likely to feel a little bit jealous of a woman who, lets face it, we’d all give our right arm to sleep with (well, left arm as we’d need our right arm when we recalled the event!)

But it is amazing how a rubber person has fooled so many intellectuals.

Doctors say they are baffled how a rubber person could

a) Live so long (or at all)
b) Win two Booker prizes

However, the fact remains that Mantel, who up until now was believed to be a normal woman, is made of rubber and will no doubt bounce back from all this negative publicity.

Police are also investigating claims that JK Rowling may in fact be made from strawberry blamanche and are looking for volunteers to knock on her door and have a quick lick!