A recent study has shown that there is now more history in the world than ever before.
Whilst the levels of pre-history have remained constant its younger cousin continues to grow exponentially.
Up until recently history was thought to be fairly harmless to the environment…but things are changing.
One of the main problems with history is that people insist upon recording it. Some say unrecorded events aren’t history at all but the jury is still out on that one.
Recording history uses up valuable resources like paper, ink and relationships and we’re running out of the first two. (The WHO says that there are currently enough relationships to last indefinitely – but then they used to say that about coal!)
The more history there is, the more it is recorded and this spells death for many trees and…er…ink plants.
It gets worse! If history is our enemy, then historical accuracy is pure evil and armageddon mixed together to make…Armagevil!
Exponents of historical accuracy ‘claim’ that what they are doing is re-writing the history books, however it turns out this is not actually possible because the history books already have writing in them and if you re-write over it they become illegible!
This is an undisputed fact!
The truth is almost too horrible to imagine. These so called scholars are re-writing history in new books causing even more death to trees whose fate is already uncertain!
So what can be done?
Environmental campaigners are meeting in secret to discuss how history levels can be brought under control and are petitioning the universities to stop re-writing history, even if it is bullshit.
After all; you can re-write history, but you can’t change it!
A man from Texas who claims to have built a machine that can prevent the future being converted into the past has been given a sum of money to help with the program!
The first step is to stop recording anything at all. It is believed that within fifty years or so this would bring the amount of history back to pre-war levels which were manageable.
If anyone reading this article has any history that they don’t really need, we implore them to destroy it and simply pretend it didn’t happen.
If anyone asks, just lie…lies are far better for the environment and we hope that one day, in a perfect world, all history will be replaced by lies!