Hospital Beds to be replaced by Hammocks!

NHS Hosptial Hammocks - the haddock

UK Hospital Beds of the future.

As always there is an acute shortage of hospital beds in the UK and the problem is getting worse.

The coalition government, who love statistics and hate being called names, have come up with another sweeping solution that will assure everyone in hospital gets somewhere to sleep and that many more patients can be admitted despite the crippling effect this will have on the overstretched staff.

A program of replacing hospital beds with hammocks will begin in 2013 and this is expected to more than double their capacity for patients.

“I really don’t know why we didn’t think of this earlier?” Said Miles Chamberlain from government think tank Stop Hospital Injustice Today (SHIT). “Bloody beds take up so much space and they’ve got creaky wheels and all the poo and stuff gets into the joints! Give em a bloody hammock! It was good enough for the British Navy! Easy to wash, just hang em from the ceiling…job done!”

There are some issues with hammocks that have been conveniently overlooked by this policy.

“Well, CPR is a bit tricky for starters!” Said Megan Willis, an A&E nurse from Leeds. “They’ve got too much give in em… you can’t really do proper chest compressions!”

The first thousand hammocks are to be installed in January and despite government assurances there is expected to be quite a bit of fallout!