A recent study by financial experts working on behalf of the private sector have concluded that houses would be far more affordable if they didn’t cost so much.
In the current economic climate, assuming that you live a normal life on a normal wage, the only way to buy house of is if it comes from a toy shop and has doors only four inches high.
When you consider that the average UK house costs around £225,000 and yet the average salary is between £25,000 and £30,000 it would take the average person over seven years to buy an average house outright if they paid no tax whatsoever and didn’t spend a single penny of their earnings.
Now, of course most people don’t buy houses outright, they get mortgages, but if the best mortgage you can get is about 90% if you’re extremely lucky you’re still going to have to find nearly a year’s wages as a deposit and in all likelihood spend the rest of your life paying interest and never be out of debt!
In short, you can’t have a house unless you poison all your rich relatives and stop eating.
The conclusion of the study is that houses should be made cheaper, much cheaper … cheap enough to buy one and still maintain a social life other than on facebook (until you find yourself unable to pay the wireless bill that is).
But how can we make this happen? How can we make houses cheaper!
The answer is surprisingly simple …. build them out of faeces!
Private building company ‘Brick Shithouse Ltd.’ will start building turd villas and poo terraces in the next few months.
The houses are environmentally friendly, perfectly stable and easy to repair as the raw materials are plentiful and the government will actually pay you to take them away.
Campaigners against the plan have pointed out that there maybe health issues with the houses and there is of course the question of the smell.
However Brick Shithouse Ltd have hit back saying that their employees provide most of the raw materials and all are strict vegetarians!
The fact that turd is soluble seems to have eluded everyone involved in the scheme.