Imagine what you’d look like if you were cool. Slim faced, interesting and/or attractive to the opposite sex…basically whatever starkly contrasts the current you. Now imagine you’re that same person, dressed like Bruce Springsteen in a beat up Chevy drinking a beer while driving. Now scale that back just a bit, and head south about thirteen hours.
After you’re done with this exercise, give a listen to new record by The Howling Tongues. The album has a title which by sheer coincidence is also the name of the band.
I caught up with the Tongues, eager to see if any of them were available to be used as a massage chair. Four of the five band members declined, so I asked them a few questions while the fifth guy prepped his muscular hydrostat for a friendly game of Buckaroo for grown-ups.
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Haddock News: You are The Howling Tongues. How many hours of the day are we talking as far as the howling goes? Does the howling become a problem in delicate situations like break-ups, court proceedings? Can you become the Respectfully Restrained Tongues in the case of funerals?
The Howling Tongues: The howling has definitely taken over our lives. We go to court quite often so it is an impossible task to keep quiet, usually leads to increased fines. We try to avoid funerals out of respect for the families and friends of the deceased. Also, keeps people up late at night. Being in this band is tough.
HN: That must only be enhanced by the fact that you’re from Georgia. As you of course know, Georgia was briefly at war with Russia in 2008. How does the control of South Ossetia affected you as a band? Was the peach harvest affected during wartime?
THT: The peaches were just obliterated in the midst of artillery round fire… which is sad because it’s the only industry that Georgia seems to have a grasp on these days. As of late, Russia seems to want to get into everyone’s business… we try to focus on the music and not pay attention to politics or the fact that the UN doesn’t recognize South Ossetia as a separate state. If you’re in a rock’n’roll band you probably disagree with a lot of stuff. We’re just super disappointed about the peaches.
HN: To quote the legendary Duane Alman: “There ain’t no revolution, it’s evolution, but every time I’m in Georgia I eat a peach for peace before dying in a motorcycle accident.” Powerful. Why is French important?
THT: French is important because it’s all about fries and kissing… and that’s what we want to get across with this album as the underlying theme. But in all seriousness, we think we have some French fans, so French might be important. We just don’t know any, being that we’re from Georgia.
HN: Diplomacy in action, Tongues. Your recent release is self-titled. Is being creative hard?
THT: So hard. We used up all our creativity on coming up with song titles…album title took a backseat in our creative minds. So we pulled a Zeppelin.
HN: How many cabbages do you generally travel with? Would you consider yourselves a “salad-ready” kind of band?
HN: Your band blends a number of musical styles into a delicious southern fried steak of rock ‘n roll. As such, do you ever catch yourselves sprinkling Cajun seasonings on each other in the still of the night, hoping further accentuate the tastiness of your funky tunes?
THT: This question makes us hungry for southern fried steak and you just asked us if we’re a salad-ready band… we’re trying to get healthy man!
HN: Sorry. You’re right.
THT: You’re an asshole for that…but we respect you, fundamentally. Now to answer your question: if rock’n’roll was a spice, we’d try to sprinkle it on everything. It’d probably be terrible for your health and make your skin look greasy.
HN: Explain Twitter using at least one reference to The Mighty Ducks.
THT: Twitter is like Emilio Estevez’s career, it’s a super big deal right now and then 15 years from now it’ll be irrelevant.
HN: Good lord, I don’t even want to think about 15 years from now when Emilio Estevez’s career is irrelevant.
THT: What year is it now?
HN: Your band has five members. Your band has two beards. Please explain the missing beards.
HN: If you could throw up backstage at any venue in the world, which would it be, and what would be the ideal circumstances of the vomiting?
THT: If we could do it as a team/full band, we’d throw up on Miley Cyrus’ shoes. Although, knowing her she’d probably like that. If that was the case, then probably at the O2 Arena because of nerves before we played in front of a packed house.
HN: The Howling Tongues are on the line-up for the inaugural Icehaus Lufticon, Antarctica’s very first outdoor music festival. Are you excited to drizzle the hot sauce on the thousands of seals, penguins and walruses expected to attend?
THT: If we could get some of those animals to attend our shows now that’d be great! Then they could spread the word to their other little animal buddies and maybe we’d get a decent crowd. We’ve yet to play an outdoor festival and that would be just a huge honor for us. Call PETA, make it happen!
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We called PETA. They wouldn’t make it happen.