Hungerland! Oh the dystopian delight! I want ALL THE TICKETS!
Tell me more about it, soulless boardroom executive! How many arrows can I shoot at my own family members?
“You can shoot a TON of arrows at your own family members,” laughs Lionsgate Films’ Marketing Executive Chuck Smutlove. “Once you step through the gates, it’s just a free-for-all. Everyone gets bows and arrows, and then, you better start running!”
He’s smoking three cigars simultaneously and eating a whole pig, uncooked.
“We really want the park to have a message,” Smutlove continues. “And that message is ‘inflict mortal wounds upon others.’ If we can inspire at least one child to become interested in killing people, I feel like that we will have done our job.”
If wearing fetish attire and using dildos as weapons is acceptable, I will move into this theme park.
Besides all the murder, there will be a number of theme park staples at Hungerland, including thousands of souvenirs, roller coasters, and a musical ice show. Who the fuck cares!
For more on this great advance of Darwinism, click here.