I Would Review Sleigh Bells’ 2010 Album ‘Treats’ but I Can’t Stop Punching Things

 

This is the album artwork for the album "Treats" by the band Sleigh Bells. I went to the zoo and punched a zebra.

This is the album artwork for the album “Treats” by the band Sleigh Bells. I went to the zoo and punched a zebra.

Look you might laugh, but this is a serious issue. I put on Sleigh Bell’s album “Treats” and instantly, I start punching things. I wanted to review this record, but if I put it on I’d just start punching my computer.

Here’s a fun story: years ago, I went to the Warped Tour. Atmosphere was on the tour, as was Tsunami Bomb and Andrew W.K., so it was very important that I attend. After a number of long hours in mosh pits kicking and screaming, I ducked into an amphitheater to take a nap. Little did I know that inside of that amphitheater, the hardcore band Poison the Well was performing. I took the nap anyway. The guitarist from that band saw me sleeping, and made a point to yell at me for doing so. That guitarist would go on to be half of Sleigh Bells.

Wasn’t that a good story? Fuck you, I’ve got things to punch!

RAAAHHHH!!!! Punch! Ultimate punch! Infinity Guitars!

I just punched my cat. His name is Oscar, and there is absolutely no reason why I would ever punch him besides this record. I punched a lamp my ex-girlfriend bought me, breaking it (thankfully). I punched a chair, an armoire, and several candles. Now I can’t have a relaxing bubble bath. Have you ever punched a ceiling fan? I have!

I just punched my copy of Rosetta Stone. I need to turn this record off.

Okay, so all in all, I love this album, and I love punching things. Vocalist Alexis Krauss has a great voice, Derek Miller makes great backing music, and I am going to keep fucking punching things. Got a thing? I’ll fucking punch it. Good night.