IT Bites: Addressing Printer Issues

 

A Printer (in case you've never seen one)

A Printer (in case you’ve never seen one)

Hi, I’m Heath, and I will be bringing you our new regular section on dealing with all aspects of Infomation Technology as well as social etiquette within the Office. I hope you’ll join us and make this your first stop should you need help with any IT issues you may have.

Regards, H Robinson

How to Remove a Epson Stylus C84 Ink Jet Printer from your Boss’s Colon without Losing Print Quality or Lowering the Toner

Unlike many other desktop printers of equal quality the Epson Stylus C84 Ink Jet Printer is known for its more compact size (about the size of an adult armadillo), making the device a popular choice for the office. This in turn has lead to a number of social issues when the device has been inserted, usually with a large degree of force, into the colon of senior management.This guide is designed to tell you the most common problems that you might face with accessing and utilising your printer once inserted into someone’s rectum. Some of these issues may include paper jams, faded condition and tonal smearing due to excessive use of anal lube. Within this guide we will tell you some common problems you might face and the solutions for dealing with them.

Problem of Tonal Smear

Tonal smears is also a very common problem. In such cases, you should make sure that your paper, label, envelopes are in the right direction and not in contact with the rectal wall. If you can reach in to remove the cartridge and gently shake it from left to right without too much discomfort this will make the toner spread out even and allow you to take a quality print. If access is difficult, remember don’t over-utilise anal lube as this may increase the number of issues you face, ask the individual to shake in regular motions from side to side.

Preventing Paper Jams

A printer can get jammed for variety of reasons. These include the use of a wrong paper or the roller on the printer which feeds the paper through the pathway is often worn down and this causes a jam in the printer. Frequently we find that copious amounts of faecal material within the main mechanism of the printer is a major source of paper jams. In order to prevent this we recommend the occasional use of a non-corrosive anal douche. Any kind of colonic irrigation should be limited as much as possible to ensure the best quality of print is maintained.

Coffee Enema Damage

Senior Management Types on average partake of Coffee Enemas on a weekly basis, or twice weekly in the case of Lattes. Sufficiently high levels of caffeine can cause damage to the internal mechanics of the printer as well as leading to streaking across the paper.