Jeremy Clarkson Gives Roadkill Squirrel CPR in Roadside Drama

Compassion is to Jeremy Clarkson what restraint was for Alexander the Great which makes his recent act of animal heroism all the more perplexing. It seems that yesterday evening the Top Gear star saved the life of a squirrel by giving it mouth to mouth resuscitation. A passer by describes what he saw.

“Well my first though was … ‘Oh  look, there’s Jeremy Clarkson getting off with a dead squirrel!’ … which wouldn’t have been that surprising really, but then I saw him gently pushing on its chest and realised he was trying to save its life. Well, you could have knocked me down with a feather!” he said.

The rodent was revived after about ten minutes and then headed on its way, only to be flattened by Clarkson’s GT40 moments later. When asked about the incident Clarkson denied that he had wanted to help the animal.

“It just needed a sporting chance. I’d hit it once but it was still alive so I decided to revive it in the spirit of fair play.” he laughed.

When asked what he will be doing with the flattened squirrel he said that nothing would go to waste.

“A snack for the dogs and then I’ll sort out that bald patch you people are so obsessed with!” he said.