Jeremy Vine to be editor of Daily Mail

The Daily Mail today announced that its new editor will be the current Radio 2 broadcaster Jeremy Vine.

A Mail spokesperson said ‘We were incredibly impressed with Vine’s radio show and his ability to whip up a raging debate over seemingly petty events involving Muslims, asylum seekers and people who don’t pay their council tax.

He has also regularly gets people hot under the collar about having their bins emptied, benefit claimants and the price of petrol. In fact listening to his show is a bit like hearing an audio version of our newspaper.

We were a bit hesitant at first because his brother Tim Vine does really crap puns in his stand up act, but he is really good on Not Going Out, so we decided to let him off’.

Other media moves announced today include Radio 1 DJ Chris Moyles having his own show on C Beebies. A Radio 1 spokeswoman said ‘Chris is just so juvenile and behaves like a child most of the time, so is perfect to host a programme for the 0-3 age group.

Additionally, the sultry tones of Mariella Frostrup, usually found talking about fiction on Radio 4’s Open Book will now do a voice over and introductions on the Babe Station channel.

The state funeral of Sir Jimmy Saville, will take place next week at Westminster Abbey, with a national day of mourning and the compulsory wearing of track suits and gold chains in public places.