She is being pursued by a squadron of Typhoon Fighters and a stealth bomber who are said to be ‘seriously outmatched’ by her Firebolt 4 Quiddich Special.
Police were called to her house last night after neighbours reported a ‘blinding flash of light’ and ‘Loud Frog noises’.
Mrs Rowling, who up until now was believed to be an author of fiction, is more than she seems to be. The Haddock was tipped off after the author sent an open letter to the paper in which she accidentally referred to the Harry Potter books as ‘her memoires’
Her husband, who must have been aware of this fact unless he had been living amid the fog of a particularly powerful ‘confundus charm’, must have seriously overstepped the mark last night because he is now being comforted by police in a hastily converted fish tank.
Despite this shocking news, reporters at The Haddock have long suspected that magic and wizardry have been employed throughout her meteoric rise.
It is the only plausible explanation for the fact that Rupert Grint have become a multi-millionaire.