John Paul II to be made a New Orleans Saint

John Paul II, former guy from Poland who would later become the Pope, has now been made an official Saint. Granting his sainthood, team owner Tom Benson chanted a few phrases in Greek, then said: “It is a great honor to welcome such an awesome dude and Pope, John Paul the Sequel, into the New Orleans Saints family.”

Yes, after a stellar track record in life, Pope John Paul 2.0 has been dubbed worthy of the black and gold jersey. He was also supposed to get a Super Bowl ring, but apparently that was stolen by Vladimir Putin.

The high honor of being a member of the team has it’s perks: executive box seats at the Superdome for surviving relatives, yacht trips for the casketed deceased. Dog walking services provided by Alice’s Paw Palace of Lafayette.

As the title of Saintliness is honorary, it is very unlikely that his holiness will see much field time.

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

More Posts