Kate Middleton is Simply too Fit to be Queen of England!

Kate Middleton is Fit innit!

Kate Middleton is Fit innit!

What are the pros and cons of having a fit queen? Well let’s look at the evidence … wait!  That’s where the argument falls flat on its face, because this will be an unparalleled event.

In the entire history of the Royal Family there hasn’t been a fit queen… they’ve all been…well… a bit plain (depending upon your taste that is).

Apparently Catherine Howard, Henry VIII’s fifth squeeze was okay after a tankard or two of mead but it stands to reason that if someone is really good looking it doesn’t make a great deal of sense to cut their head off.

So there it is, we’ve never had a tasty monarch, but if our present queen (a 4/10 if ever we saw one) were to overlook her bumbling eldest son Charles (lets face it, he’d be much happier complaining about shopping centres and making beer) then William will rise to the throne and queen Kate will be a reality.

The queen of England? In the wank bank? It’s Treason Season!

How will this effect us? Well, in short, it’s likely to cause a war! If we take Helen of Troy (which we cannot because Paris beat us to it) as one example … well just by being fit she caused the biggest battle in the whole world.

If we are to believe the Arthurian myth then his mother Ygraine of Cornwall was raped by Uther Pendragon causing the kingdom to all but collapse.

The Spanish Armada would have never happened if Elizabeth I had consented to marry Philip of Spain (and she really needed to get her leg over if you consider that portraits of monarchs are flattering … she must have looked like a vampire!) anyway, you get the idea.

Essentially fit queens are a bloody liability. Don’t believe it? Well just picture the scene; a state event, a few too many glasses of vino, Chuck Norris and Mitt Romney sidle over for a chat … the next thing you know it’s a long way to Tipperary and we’re all wearing green and fighting on the beaches!