“I was kicked out of University for my Excessively Loud Urination.”

His wee affects the space-time continuum, but did he deserve to be expelled?

His wee affects the space-time continuum, but did he deserve to be expelled?

Mahil Jakari’s urinary stream defies known acoustic science* and can heard from five floors away in his four-story boarding house.

This is where Mahil is living after his audibly profound stream got him dismissed from Turkey’s prestigious Istanbul University. Simply stated, when he pees, Mr. Jakari’s urine creates a tri-tone similar to the one used by Nepalese Sherpas to echo locate one another in the mountains. It also caused all the goats on the internet to scream like people.

Heeding prior warnings about the loud water-making, Mahil sought medical help for his condition. Thus far the phenomenon is unable to be fully explained by doctors. Mahil, who had a major in Music Theory, believes it to be his penis paying tribute to ambient composer Brian Eno.

When asked if the experience of urinating at roughly 168 decibels was painful, Mahil assured us that it was never made an issue in his native village of Kirkech: “No one ever brought it up at home or otherwise. My parents told me that’s just what goats sound like.”

Mahil is appealing to the University for re-admittance. He is also hoping to change his major to Engineering in hopes of designing some kind of Cock Muffler™ to help others with his condition.

* – Doppler

Noroom F. Thumbo

Noroom F. Thumbo

Daniel Boone was a man, yes a big man. But the bear was bigger so he ran like a turkey up a tree. - Author's Full Bio

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