Kim Kardashian ‘Broke’ the Wank Bank!

kim kardashian broke the wank bankThe Interwet!

The universal wank bank or ‘Interwet’ closed its doors to new fantasies last week for two days following the publication of Kim Kardashian’s nude photos.

Several large organisations also closed due to freak masturbation evacuation events during which thousands of men and women sneakily got up their desks and headed to the bathrooms to rub one out.

Schools, hospitals and retirement homes witnessed similar scenes.

Ten thousand gallons of ejaculatekimkbreaktheinternet

It has been estimated that around ten thousand gallons of ejaculate were spread across tissues, T-shirts and duvet’s in the USA alone with global figures going into the millions. These startling figures dwarf the previous records held by Britney Spears and Paris Hilton stepping out of cars commando style.

Mass jerking-off events actually effect the rotation of The Earth and can be seen by astronauts on the ISS (also unavailable during the two days of inaction at the bank).

Terror organisation’s to use the same tactic

Terrorist organisations such as IS and UKIP are said to be very interested in using mass masturbation as a weapon to destabilise economies and bring down governments thorough loss of productivity. ‘Lust is the weapon that will shoot the infidel in his own face’ said one angry cleric.

Authorities have advised people to stay away from celebrity websites, twitter accounts and magazines in case their firm, and ultimately their way of life, may be destroyed by wanking!

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

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