Ah, Christmas. Don we now our rose-colored glasses and tell evil to have a Coke and a smile while we exchange gifts and attempt compassion for a day.
Like any other grand event, it takes a highly sophisticated behind-the-scenes operation to ensure Christmas is a success each year. A disruption in that operation which threatened the holiday’s success occurred between SantaCo International and the Elvin Industrial Fabricators Union (which represents elf carpenters, welders, and sprinkle technicians).
“We haven’t gotten a cost of living raise in nearly four decades,” claims EIFU Vice Chairwoman Cupcake Smiles-Perkins. “But we’re housed here in the complex, so that has never really been an issue. All of our entertainment is in-house as well, so that wasn’t a big deal either. We seriously had to rack our brains to think of something to get angry about, and we settled on food.”
Like all corporate leaders, Santa Claus (founder and CEO of SantaCo and its subsidiaries) was more than happy to listen his workforce and make dramatic changes to ease their concerns. With a freshly baked pan of Snickerdoodle cookies in hand, Mr. Claus met with union leaders, chuckled his ridiculous belly laugh, and promised to improve the quality of meats and dairy products produced at the SantaCo Flesh and Fluids Processing Facility.
And so, Christmas was once again saved by love, prudent negotiation, under-the-table tax loopholes, and Snickerdoodle cookies. As such, Christmas launched without incident, and to all, a good night.
Merry Christmas from The Haddock.
Don’t show your family the dark comedy noir film
“The Ice Harvest” on Christmas Eve, by the way.