Police are too small, and in the UK at least, they don’t even have guns.
Criminals are simply not afraid of them enough to stop committing crimes and the public are fed up with it.
Alas technology, advanced as it may well be, can not yet afford us a super cop in the form of ‘Robocop’ so what then is the answer?
From the prospective of a tax payer it seems simple; if you’re the first line of defence against crime, then lets bolster the defences!
So, with this in mind, a program of ‘beefing up’ police men and women will commence as of next month.
Enter disgraced super cyclist Lance Armstrong, currently between positions and more than willing to entertain any suggestions of a meaningful path back into society.
“I can understand how some people might find this suggestion distasteful.” Said the police commissioner. “But his track record speaks for itself. If our cycle cops (crisps) can outrun a Tour de France cyclist then we’re onto something! And if they can lift a car with their penis and pull a train with an adapted butt plug then even better!”
Other famous sporting junkies may well be brought into the fray, Ben Johnson being the obvious choice although he as, thus far, been unable to find the airport.
The police themselves are said to be thrilled at the prospect of rippling pectorals and six packs!
“Not only will we be able to fight crime more effectively, people will want to shag us randomly!” Said Constable Peter Mattheson of the Camden force.
The fact that steroids do have a negative effect on the male sexual apparatus has been conveniently swept under the carpet.