Lords Decree that Fat People will not be Allowed to Marry

House of Lords

Cat killing, spinster hangman/woman, Home Secretary Theresa May has proposed tougher laws against the fat. For the so-called ‘gravity abusers’,the fat tax, due to be initiated in time for the 2014 olympics, will be followed by laws to prevent a wave of obesity in families. May has denied that it has anything to do with the public spat with 28 year old Justice minister and President of the people’s court, Kenneth Clarke, as she was overheard referring to him as ‘Mussolini’s boyband manager, brother’.

May’s stance mirrors a tougher right wing stance throughout current conservative policy. Education CEO, Michael Gove, has already been punished for praising RUPERT HESS at the conference, last week. Even Clarke himself has awarded himself some military decorations and often quotes Goebbel’s speech to war torn Hannover in 1944.

May denies any leaning to extremist right wing policy, apart from having the said cat in the ‘cat spat’ executed in Tower Hamlets. ‘It’s not as if we are bringing back national service or the News of the World, people have to take responsibility, as well as getting academic qualifications and smoking in designated areas. Primeminister Lord Cameron is away, catching up on his Tuscan holiday, cut short by ‘youth scum’ he was compensated with vouchers by Easyjet.