Oliver Letwin held a press conference today to announce that he has been suffering from a temporary illness which caused him to do his office paperwork in the park.
Harley Street specialist, Siegfried Stethoscope said ‘He’s been suffering from a condition
known by the medical profession as ‘location confusion syndrome’ also known by some as ‘getting a bit muddled’, which many middle aged men suffer from. This manifests itself when a person confuses one familiar domestic or work setting with another. On this occasion, he thought he was in the office, when sitting on a park bench.’
Doris Clackpole, cleaner at the House of Commons confirmed this diagnosis. She said ‘Many is the time I’ve seen ‘im in here with his lawnmower, cutting up the carpets. He thought he was doing the garden see. Caused a right old mess he did’.
Letwin’s wife, Ivy LetOneIn commented further. ‘I had my suspicions when he started sleeping on the kitchen worktops and peeing in the sink. But I thought he just might be suffering from, what the medical profession call, ‘being a bit of a prat’.
The Prime Minister has also stated that Defence Secretary Dr Liam Fox had recently resigned because he had been suffering from a condition called ‘being a bit overfriendly’ also known by others in the medical sector as ‘being a stupid old prat’.
At a government meeting today, Cameron expressed concern about the overall general health of the Cabinet and told them all that if they didn’t start ‘looking after themselves a bit better then they might start feeling a whole lot more poorly very soon and it would be him personally that would be dishing out the medicine’.
Nick Clegg was seen nearby eating lots of fruit and vegetables and reading a book called The Deputy Becomes Prime Minister.