Following revelations Defence Secretary Liam Fox invited former flat mate Adam Werrity to join him when meeting with foreign dignitaries, The Haddock has obtained top-secret footage, which reveals that Mr. Fox and Mr. Werrity were not the only people invited along to these meetings.
When meeting with Harry Boulter, chief executive of the Porton Capital investment fund, in Dubai last year, Mr. Fox bought no fewer than 47 people with him. Wayne Rooney went along to discuss a sponsorship deal, which at the time seemed strange, but the deal brokered was for roughly the price of bail in Merseyside. Cliff Richard went along to try and secure nuclear armament, seemingly because he is just that evil. And Sandy Toksvig went along to debate the correct spelling of Onomatopoeia, evidently out of sheer boredom.
In the meeting with the President of Sri Lanka in London Mr. Fox was joined by Eric Pickles, who was looking for a second free lunch of that day, Teen heartthrob Justin Beiber, who was looking to sell his bland, disturbingly sexualized pop to the recently peaceful region. And the entire cast of Eastenders, who wanted to practice their comic relief silly dance routine for someone important before they did it in front of Terry Wogan.
And in the most bizarre of all the meetings Mr. Fox and Mr. Werrity attended together, Mr. Fox hired out the entire Emirates stadium for a sit down with Saudi Prince Mugran ibn Abdul-Aziz. The prince sat in the centre circle as an invited congregation of 65,000 people were encouraged to discuss openly Britain’s security worries and frailties, as well as ask the prince for money in a Dragon’s Den style manner.
The Haddock passed the footage along to PM David Cameron, who said in response “we’re taking this very seriously.