Lil Wayne’s number of worries goes up after latest seizure!

Lil Wayne before the worries.

Lil Wayne before the worries.

International superstar rapper Lil Wayne has been hospitalized! Twas Nicki Minaj who pounded the alarm like so many drummer Hoff’s setting it off, alerting the world that Wayne had fallen ill once again. He’s suffered such codeine-laced seizures in the past, but this might be the big one!

Oh no, he’s been stabilized. So probably not the big one. But, in light of this earth-moving medical emergency, Wayne’s official worry count has increased…to ONE!

Does this render the song “No Worries” false?!

YES! Sadly it’s true. A crack team of CIA audio engineers are on the case, attempting to reverse time and re-edit the master copies of the song, but it isn’t looking good, as it’s been in regular radio rotation for the past six months.

“It’d be like trying to abort a fetus after it was fully developed…and then born, and was about four years old,” remarks one of the engineers. If you could hear the tone in his voice, you’d know he was actually trying to be sincere in saying this.

At any rate, Lil Wayne’s number of worries is indeed now standing at one. How will this affect his credibility as a rapper? Rappers cannot go around being worried, or giving fucks about things!

BREAKING REPORT: Wayne describes the part where he’s in a coma and has an odd moral discussion with himself while surrounded by cartoon characters as “trippy.”

We here at The Haddock would like to offer our best wishes to Mr. Wayne. May he get well enough to do it all over again, and then one more time after that. I’ve got a serious chance of winning this office pool!