I’m going to listen to one of the finest recordings of all time. Not only is it one of the finest records of all time, it’s also possibly the finest debut record of all time, one of the greatest low budget recordings of all time, a triumph for England, and it drove the snakes out of Norway when they were low on blonde-headed potatoes. The album is called Thunder, Lighting, Strike.
When I listen to it, I swing my dick around like a mad man.
Oh yes, that’s exactly what happens.
The album is by a band called The Go! Team. They have two drummers, and as such, eighteen times the rhythm. They’ve got the heart of summer in their vibrations. They’ve got a parrot in the band. When I listen to them, I stand on top of my dresser and do cock windmills.
Oh, you’re intrigued by cock windmills? Well let me assure you that they’re merely one of many tricks in my arsenal.
1. Panther Dash – Sideways hip introductory noodle gyrations, right out the gate. Never fails to succeed.
2. Ladyflash – Alternating slither thrusts into a half steamboat wheel.
3. Feelgood by Numbers – 4/4 Picky-pokey Peter jiggles. This song makes you see flowers.
4. The Power Is On – I simply call this one “The Star Trek.” If you think about the uniform symbol, it makes perfect sense.
5. Get It Together – The Swing of Joy, with bouncing ball accompaniment if you’re as experienced at this as I am.
6. Junior Kickstart – THE DANGLE OF APOPHIS. If you can pull off the handstand, god bless you.
7. Air Raid Gtr – The Electric Eel, with bookending Saddle Wobbles
8. Bottle Rocket – Mr. Johnson’s Polka! This track put the swing into the title of this article about dicks.
9. Friendship Update – Dutch crescent moon pattern with reverse Ron Howards. Update: We’re definitely friends.
10. Huddle Formation – Northbound bunny hops and a side of Pastrami.
11. Everyone’s a V.I.P. to Someone – The Hug, The Kiss, and The Wave Goodbye. Je t’aime, toutes choses.
Sadly, the band is currently on hiatus, because they all like to occasionally go their separate ways and play hopscotch, skip rocks, be vibrant, exuberant and free. They figure that with this and two stellar follow-ups (Rolling Blackouts being another of the best recordings ever produced), they are entitled to take a rest from encapsulating the wonder of youth and making you pine for the memories not your own.
I just want them to get back together so I can practice my squat-thrust-swang-a-lang-half-turn technique. It’s not quite there yet, but when it is, you’ll be seriously impressed.