Loch Ness Monster blasts Amazon: “allow my Erotic Fiction!”

Nessie Does Dallas: The story of a passionate love affair between the Loch Ness Monster and former professional wrestler Diamond Dallas Page (which may or may not be based on true events)

Nessie Does Dallas: The story of a passionate love affair between the Loch Ness Monster and former professional wrestler Diamond Dallas Page (which may or may not be based on true events)

Following an article on The Kernel exposing the sick, depraved underbelly of free expression, Amazon.com and other sellers of literature took a page out of Fahrenheit 451 and set fire to portions of their erotic fiction sections.

Among those affected by the purification was the genre of Cryptozoological Erotica. In a matter of moments, Bigfoot, the Chupacabra, and the Gremlin from that episode of The Twilight Zone all saw the tales of their lurid sex lives disappear from print circulation.*

One monster isn’t letting her sexual legacy (and royalty check) go gentle into that good night. That of course is Nessie, the monster of Loch Ness. Did you know she drinks whiskey and is almost always naked?

“Why is it okay for people to write erotic fiction about sex with Darth Vader and not with me?” queried Nessie in her statement to the press. “Just because I am not a humanoid does not make my stories any more dangerous than a man who can choke you to death without touching you and who carries a sword made out of laser beams. Plus I guarantee that I give the better head.”

Nessie then kindly fellated the Haddock News staff to prove her point. A stegosaurus stopped by too!

For more on the censorship of genius, click here.

* – UPDATE: William Shatner travels by plane for the first time since 1963

Dr Johannesburg Swivel

Dr Johannesburg Swivel

I'd very much like to stick my fingers inside you. - Author Bio

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