Make sure that fucking door is closed, you horrible person

He is Ashtanga, the seer of all things shameful

He is Ashtanga, the seer of all things shameful

Your cat should never have to look into your eyes as you orgasm. As such, that god damn bathroom door better be closed completely.

It’s already bad enough that you let that fucking thing roam around freely while you consume copious amounts of shemale porn. In the back of your mind you know that your cat is a sentient being, capable of complex thought and human emotion. You know that he’s choosingnot to speak, but he gets it. How do you live with yourself as the animal crosses in front of the screen, upon which several Brazilian transsexuals fiddle with one another? You know he’s not into that shit like you are!

Oh yeah like you can really tell the difference you liars! You would hit that and you know it!

Oh yeah like you can really tell the difference you liars! You would hit that and you know it!

Embrace the shame. Wear it like a winter coat.

With such weighty guilt already leveled upon you, imagine the feeling of erupting man gravy in the comfort of the guest bathroom, only to look to your left and see the innocent face of your cat sitting on the edge of the bathtub. Still, silent…watching. It knows where you’re at. It’s got to know. I really thought that god damn door was shut.

Benjamin Franklin didn’t care about jerking off in front of his cats, and look where it got him! He’s been dead for years!

Long story short, make sure you’re completely isolated when achieving orgasmic auto-erotica. Unless you’ve got a fetish for masturbating around house pets.

If you do happen to have a fetish of that sort of thing…look just call me either way.