Mars: Still Fuck All there says NASA!

Mars has less charisma than a random quarry

Mars has less charisma than a random quarry

Spectacular new panoramic images of the red planet have been released by NASA.

The photos were taken by the special space robot ‘Impotence’ or whatever it’s called and show a bland rocky landscape with about as much character as a bauxite quarry. “Might as well have sent it to Dakota!” said an anonymous source, some of who’s massive fortune went into financing the mission. “It takes nearly two years and the GDP of a medium sized African country to get there, only to find it’s dull, worthless and you haven’t got enough fuel to get back!”

These concerns are reflected by many in the space industry. Romantics who like to compare the space race to brave medieval sailors setting out for the lost Indies are sadly deluded as space is much further away, impossibly hostile and your destination is a barren pebble with no air on it.

Small countries, keen to cash in on the fame and publicity of placing robots in the middle of nowhere and posting the pictures on the internet are getting involved. Armenian Space Enterprises, or ARSE have already sent a probe into Siberia where they claim to have found life in the form of two BBC cameramen patiently waiting to film tigers.

NASA are bullish about their rather lame discoveries though.”We’ve found rocks that nobody else has found, we can also see stuff that is so far away it blew up before Earth was even thought of!” Said one scientist.

Tax payers, already reeling from the erectile dysfunction that was the God Particle, are even less amused to discover that we are spending our money finding stuff that was gone 8 billion years ago, and even then it was just a fucking ball of gas with no redeeming features!