LATE BREAKING – A Grand Jury has ruled that the police officer who shot unarmed teenager Mike Brown in Ferguson, Missouri will not face any criminal charges. Yet another spectacular victory for the population’s majority that believe law enforcement officers are not subject to the laws which they enforce.
In a unified show of peaceful protest, kitchens throughout the city of Ferguson have been baking cakes since the ruling was made public. Tall, rich cakes, with layers of sugary icing and frosting of all colors and flavors. The sorrows of the townspeople can be tasted in the batter as locals comfort themselves with slice after slice.
Police in the area are, of course, responding in the only way they know how: militarized tactical counterinsurgency. Army reservists with machine guns are rolling through the city, pointing guns at cakes!
Residents, already devastated by the Grand Jury ruling are now pleading for their protest cakes to be left unharmed. Some cakes have already been dragged out into the street and hit with water cannons, exploding their spongy forms upon impact.
Supporters of the protest pastries in Ferguson are urged to bake protest cakes as well, and send those cakes to Haddock News HQ. This is not a cheap ploy to get free cake! Shame on you for thinking that!
No Justice, No Peace.