Michele Bachmann determined to spank Obama’s ass

Remember Michele Bachmann? We don’t.

Okay that’s not entirely true: we remember that she sort of ran for president, that she might’ve been a witch, that she hates touching her vagina privately, and that her husband is definitely, 100% certified not gay. That husband of hers hasn’t seen a cock besides his own since grade school. Just ask, he’d be the first to tell ya.

So with such nutty depravity going on in the Bachmann house (which is located at 1313 Mockingbird Lane, ironically enough), how does such an obvious closet slut in waiting find some Mick Jagger-style satisfaction?

That ass got me like...

That ass got me like…

Kinky presidential role-play fantasy?

Exactly!

“The president walks around, completely unchecked. He’s got a magic wand, that he swings around like it’s the biggest thing in the world. Ya know what? Show me the proof. In fact, just show it to me period,” exclaimed Bachmann in a speech to the Chaste Conservative Women of Southern Sexlessville, WY.

She continued: “What Barack Hugeco– ehem, ‘Hussain’ – Obama needs is a spanking. I want to give him that spanking. I want hear him squeal in painful delight until he changes his absurd fiscal policies.”

After an aid splashed her in the face with a pitcher of cold water, Ms. Bachmann composed herself and opened the floor to questions. Among them was one from an audience member regarding the congresswoman’s position on assplay.

“You mean between myself and the president, or in general terms?” After receiving clarification, presented what proved to be an obviously meditated-upon personal opinion. “As long as it is between a man and a woman, in a loving, connected, latex-filled environment, I am for it. Sodomites are pagan sinners who should be slain by angels at the feet of the lord, but as long as it’s a man and a women, I have no opposition to butt stuff.”

To close out her speech, Bachmann reaffirmed her commitment to laying hands upon the president’s succulent posterior. “I’m telling you right now; I will spank those presidential ass cheeks. When I set my sights on something, I achieve it no matter what.”

“…unless it’s winning the GOP presidential nomination. Anything besides that, no matter what.”

For more on this kinky shit, click here.

Bennet Vindushali

Bennet Vindushali

If you're reading this, I'm probably dancing in an American flag thong. Or, I'm reporting vital information in an American flag thong. - Author's Full Bio

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