Betsy Hooters, page three pin up and all round party gal is tonight said to be recovering in hospital after giving birth to silicone breast implant. The new arrival who has been named ‘Chardonnay Petal Zoom Womble Hooters’ weighed in at a healthy seven pounds four ounces and is said to be doing well. This is believed to be the first naturally born breast augmentation device but more are expected athough more are expected.
“They’ll be crapping out chicken fillets by the dozen this time next year!” Suggested one Nobel Prize winning bioligist who asked not to be named.
Rumours that Laboratoire Garnier have been harvesting pure botox sweated from the backside of model Katie Price for years have fueled the belief that in the future our glamour girls will become cosmetics farms. It seems that repeated exposure to surgical procedures, implants and enhancing substances has genetically altered the models creating a sub species which we are only beginning to understand. The Haddock are investigating reports that Kate Moss is actually able to produce faeces of pure moisturiser and can pee eau de toilette. Of course it has long been suspected that actor Charlie Sheen partly finances his wild lifestyle by selling his saliva to crack addicts.