Monkey is the Root of All Evil?

Evil! Did it all begin with monkeys? Is that where evil comes from? And anyway, why, of all animals, did we evolve from monkeys? We’ve all seen Jurassic park…surely dinosaurs have got more going for them… so why monkeys? How about birds or insects or sharks or something that is truly awe inspiring. Don’t get me wrong, we like monkeys and apesas much as the next person but mainly because they are so anthropomorphic…you can see the wisdom in their expressions, their tool making and the rest…but they’re not as pretty as a tiger are they? Apes aren’t exactly top of the food chain either…so why oh why did nature select these mediocre creatures to inherit the Earth? They can’t even fly for goodness sake. Surely the masters of the planet ought to be gifted with the coolest physical feature of them all? Where’s the exoskeleton? Where’s the hawk-vision? They’re such a ‘3 out of 10, could do better, see me after class’ species. One easy way to measure this; how many superheroes turn into chimps? Spiders yes! Bats yes! But chimps? Chimp-man? I don’t think so. Chimps cant even make their minds up if they should live in the trees or not. They sometimes eat meat, mostly fruit and leaves…and occasionally, each other. Who took the interview? These creatures are confused and motivationally challenged. If I was running Earth PLC … no way am I handing over the keys to these dorkish simians. But that’s what happened. Amazing really.


So here we are, super monkeys…magic apes, wonder gibbons…look at it how you will, but suited and booted, walking smugly down the street…you’re an animal! you might be wearing a Rolex and drawing 200k per year but there are menu’s in the animal kingdom upon which you are still listed as ‘catch of the day’. You’re meat in shoes buddy, compost with an eighty-ish year timer…sooner or later you’ll be helping the begonias whilst awaiting the archaeologists of 3010. So where does the evil come from? We’re clever… clever at maths and at language, we can make tools and fire and foot-spas…oh yeah…but we can be evil too? Blame money or parents or some nasty kid at school who said it was okay, but deep inside we know that evil is really just a side-effect, a trinket of intelligence. If we were a used car, evil would be a ‘feature’. We can be good or evil and most of us have the ability to be both. Is it inherited or do you learn it? Your choices are based upon your life experiences…and these days they can be controlled by any number of sources. Over the course of today you’ve probably seen tens or hundreds of adverts, read various biased news reports, listened to gossip, exaggerated the truth to make your friends laugh and lied to yourself about one or two things because …ah what the hell, it’ll do no harm. Your decisions are influenced by many things. And what is evil to one person is just a misdemeanour to another, or even normal behaviour.

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