Mp’s Banned from using the Phrase ‘What is Absolutely Clear’

All too often MP’s qualify their factless diatribes with the phrase ‘What is absolutely clear …’ and it is time to stop this rot. The sentence known affectionately as ‘The WAC’has no place in modern politics. Let us be absolutely clear about this; nothing MP’s say is remotely clear, none of it makes any sense, far from it. In answer to any question they ramble on like tranquilised pensioners battling the tide of senility whilst smiling like lying parents. However, it seems that a bargain is about to be struck. If the public stop whingeing about things that they are powerless to control because ultimately they cannot be even be arsed to walk to a polling station and put a cross on a sheet of paper,  the members of the house of commons will cease to use the eponymous phrase. 

This may seem like a tiny sacrifice  but you have to remember that some of these people justify their whole sad existance with the magic sentence.

“I used to be a twenty a day man,” said one politician. “The WAC was my saviour, with it I could get away with any old bollocks but not now, I simply don’t know what I’m going to do without it. I guess I’ll have to try and get by using  ‘Clearly’ and ‘With All Due Respect to the Honourable Member’ but it just won’t be the same.

Unsurprisingly, almost every media appearance by a member of parliament over the next few days has been cancelled without further notice while they try and come up with an alternative. The front runners for a replacement phrase include:

1) I think you’ll agree that

2) The facts speak for themselves

3) Unquestionably

and finally

4) Resistance is futile!