A pill which, according to its manufacturer, makes ugly people attractive is about to hit a pharmacy near you in the next few weeks.
Muntox, a compound developed in Germany (where demand is high), is different to most medicines in that the sufferer doesn’t take it at all.
The theory goes that you strike up a relationship with someone over the internet or via some sort of non visual correspondence and when it’s clear that you’re ideally suited you send them a box of Muntox which is chocolate coated and very tastefully decorated.
The drug is so powerful that you will find even the most twisted minger irresistibly attractive and coupled with your personality match the result can only be love.
It’s like a sort of permanent visual rohypnol!
Opponents to the sale of this drug include attractive people who say that such a pill would nullify their natural talents and make them just as ordinary as the next person.
“It flies in the face of nature,” said Odin Zane, a male model and all round bore. “I get laid every day because my fantastic looks more than make up for my personality, irreparably damaged after years of personal narcissism and worship by members of the opposite sex.”
Others say that the pill could be abused but the makers were quick to dispel this idea.
“Nobody likes to admit they fancy a Minger!” Said Dr Fenkel of Muntox Inc. “But this attitude is so superficial. Mingers have been lonely and sad for most of their lives and as such are lunatics in the sack! It’s a win win situation for everyone!”
Muntox will be available from next week in most high street pharmacies but it comes with a warning “Do not give to children, pets or people who above an 8/10.”
The Muntox team are keeping quiet about what happened when they gave Muntox to a really fit woman but the rumour is that they have locked her in the cellar and spend quite a bit of time down there talking to her.