NASA Sells Mars to China!

 

Mars will be towed to Earth and Eaten by China

Mars will be towed to Earth and Eaten by China

Satellite will tow Mars back to Earth for the Chinese to Eat!

By Baron HaddockExperts at NASA are believed to have struck a deal with China who wish to purchase a large quantity of ‘Red Sand and Rock’.The Rock, Mars, is believed to contain large amounts of copper which the Chinese like to eat and make shoes from.So they’ve sold the bastard!Therefore, after much deliberation the Space Agency have tasked a small satellite with the difficult but important mission of towing the Red Planet home.It sounds audacious, impossible, implausible even … but there are equations and equations can do anything.Einstein taught us that!Einstein once made a suspension bridge from horse-meat, that’s how powerful equations are.Using a laser, NASA will send billions of equations to Mars, these will dislodge it from orbit for a few crucial seconds … just enough time for the satellite to pounce!Pouncing satellites are rare and expensive, good job this one has been paid for with Chinese money!But that’s just the beginning.They’ve got to get Mars home without banging into anything, and that’s not easy.Then there’s parking it without killing billions of innocent people.Red planet, red tape!The mission will begin in a few months when the Curiosity probe (so named because we’re all wondering why the fuck you’d bother) has finished proving the blindingly obvious fact that Mars has less life than Walt Disney’s knackers.The Chinese are said to be thrilled with their purchase and are already looking recipies for Mars and Wolfhound casserole with noodles.