Nebraskan Yachtsman Discovers Europe and Claims it for the USA

Nebraskan Yacht

Nebraskan Yacht

Landlocked states have their benefits; you’re not likely to be invaded by a fleet of war ships, fantastic shark safety statistics and a lot less tourists.

However, the mentality of people who live in the centre of Continents ( lets call them Completely-In-Continentals) can vary from; a tiny bit parochial to full-on Banjo playing denial that there’s anything else in the world except your sisters/cousins/uncles/parents (read: one person) and the mailbox at the end of your drive with no mail in it.

In light of this situation you may think it strange that a person who’s idea of travel is a day’s cow tipping in the next valley would take to the high seas but for Nebraskan adventurer Yute Mason the high seas it was.

Yute made his money from a chain of horse-fellatio diners in the surrounding counties and with this wealth he bought a yacht and decided to find out if there were any other countries in the world.

In case you’re wondering, he grew up without access to a TV.

Setting sail from New York one month ago he sailed straight into the path of Tropical Storm Beryl which spun his boat round and round for a few days before sending him out into the Atlantic, dizzy, wet and all out of chewing tabacca.

Good job he had enough shoes to eat.

After two weeks drifting aimlessly, during which he tried to learn seamanship from the pictures in the manual that he eventually ate, he arrived at the Bay of Biscay and sailed into Bordeaux.

Here he encountered the Garlic people who communicate by spitting food and ignoring strangers.

He then announced that this new and exotic land would be renamed Obamaia and the Garlic people were now citizens of America.

Then he gave them all some gum and jerky and caught a flight home where he was immediately arrested and made US ambassador to France.