Neil Diamond Stolen from Brussels Hotel!

Diamond stolen in brussels

Neil Diamond: Stolen!!

Veteran singer and unusual dresser; Neil Diamond has been stolen from a hotel in Brussels by a gang of armed men.

“One minute he was humming ‘daydream believer’ in the shower, the next he was gone!” Said the maid who was hoovering his pillows at the time.

Having eliminated any chance of Diamond dissolving in the shower and being washed down the plughole they were left with no choice but to announce the theft.

It’s the fifth time that Diamond has been stolen.

Last time he was replaced by a remarkable forgery which fooled audiences for some seven years.

No Stone unturned!

The police are following up a number of leads, one turned out to be attached to a poodle named Henry and has since been dismissed.

They also went on a wilde goose chase which calmed their nerves considerably and provided them with lunch.

*We will not be making a joke about red herrings

The gang responsible are believed to be the same group who last month attempted to abduct singer Andrew Gold…the fact that he was dead was the only reason they failed!

If you see Neil Diamond in a bag being carried on the back of a Belgian wearing a balaclava…Call the police…or at least video it and put it on Youtube!

As yet police have recieved no ransom demand from the thieves although there is a rumour they have asked that nobody play ‘Cherry Cherry’ ever again as a start to negotiations.