Crap Art is the only True Art

M paintings are crap (Ivan O'Grady)

My paintings are crap (Ivan O'Grady)

A new artistic movement ‘The Admissionists’ are breaking with convention by finally admitting that their work is a load of crap. Leader of the movement Ivan O’grady explains.

“There is no purer way to express art than to admit that you’re shit at it and all the crappy paintings and stupid pieces of tat that you call sculpture are actually a cover up for an innate inability to draw. You are able to absolve yourself of the guilt arising from the fact that you were too busy
shagging people and managing your own neurosis at art school to actually spend time learning to make things that people would, in all seriousnes, really like to look at!” He said today.

The movement is gaining momentum. Already the estates of several dead artists have jumped on the band wagon to say that their art was total bollocks and should never have been in a gallery but they just wanted the attention and couldn’t make money any other way.

Critics of this idea have been quick to point out that only a true artist would know if the work was any good or not and therefore it is of no consequence whether or not they say it’s rubbish because they are still artists. Critics of these critics have pointed out that it is they who decide what is and is not art, the artists simply produce the work. The original critics then pointed out that their own criticism is in fact flawed and that they are not critics at all. They have formed a group called the Admissionist Critics, critics who’s criticism is utter crap and therefore the only true path to criticism.

Meanwhile the “Cerebralists” have leapfrogged the lot of them by not producing any work at all, they simply invite guests to an empty gallery and ask them to imagine all the paintings in the different rooms. Whatever they see, by merit of the fact nobody else can see it, is unfailingly original,  perfect and ultimately more satisfying than traditional art. It is also able to change with the mood of the beholder. This, they say, is surely the purest for of art.    They also point out that there is no environmental cost to this exercise. Already their work is is fetching a high price in Japan and America.