There was outrage today after the publication of a new report which suggests that the NHS have not been treating elderly patients with due care and attention. In some cases they have been treated no better than animals, as if they were not human at all.
“They treat us like aliens, or mannequins, or smelly monsters!” Said Rupert Dribble, a decorated officer who fought and died for his country three times
during WWII. “It’s disgraceful! One of the junior doctors walked in and hung his coat on me yesterday!”
But it doesn’t stop there. There are rumours of people being ignored for so long that they have become mummified. Mavis Claptrap, a mother of twelve and grandmother of countless millions was subjected to three hours of pain when she got down on her hands and knees in search of a curler that had rolled under a cupboard and was mistaken for a coffee table which was then moved into the boardroom so that the chief surgeon could put his feet up to watch the Grand Prix!
Instead of an NHS spokesperson, Bernadett Tweeble, who was admitted to the hospital for severe demensia wandered out and spoke to us.
“They asked me to tell you that everything is fine and that it’s all lies!” She said. “I sometimes put my shoes in the fridge!” She continued giggling. “Have you seen my biplane, I think it’s time for the race!” Concluded the old woman before hailing a cab and disappearing off up the Kings Road.
Make of this what you will!