Nine of Ten Doctors Surveyed: “Most patients are whiny and annoying”

"If I practiced medicine as well as you people complain, I might've made it onto the cast of Scrubs!"

“If I practiced medicine as well as you people complain, I might’ve made it onto the cast of Scrubs!”

A study by NYU medical school reveals that 90% of practicing doctors feel their patients are self obsessed, fussy, and are constantly complaining about aches and pains.

“Like this one patient that comes in often. It’s all, ‘my leg hurts, my back hurts, I get chest pain and collapse on the floor, and I’m thinking, ‘go tell some one who cares!’” says one cardiologist.

With malpractice suits on the rise, doctors are becoming more aware that the care they provide is under constant scrutiny, and many admit to putting on more of a show to make their patients feel like they are getting top notch care, or at the very least, want to leave. Among the methods sited were awful magazines such as ‘Newsweek’ and ‘ The Guidepost,” rude receptionists, and making the patient wait a lengthy amount of time in the examination room, so they will want to leave whether they feel treated or not.

“I should’ve gone to school to do boob jobs, at least I’d have something to look at,” commented a pediatrician (while exhaling cigarette smoke through his nose). “These parents think that their kids are the most important things in the world, and they demand only top care. Sometimes I’m just not in the mood, alright? I tell them I’ll be back after I review my notes, but really I’m just licking a lollipop and playing Sudoku.”

Another doctor, a pain clinic practitioner explained, “So this guy comes in while I’m in the middle of huffing nitrous, and totally bombed on Oxycontin. I have no idea what he said or what I did other than I gave him an extensive rectal exam and somehow I lost my stethoscope! I hope he never comes back. All they do is complain, and it’s all about them. I give them prescriptions just to get them out of my office.”

No explanation was giving as to why most patients have so many health gripes.