People’s Republic of Korea – North Korea’s official news agency today announced the development of a highly advanced slingshot capable of hitting its own territory, or fifty feet, whichever comes first.
North Korean leader Kim Jong-il spent time touring the new facility which is said to contain a five foot long rubber band that can shoot two large and dangerously pointy rocks with an accuracy of one thousand meters.
South Korea responded to the news by showing their own advanced slingshot known as a battleship capable of launching rocks known as nuclear missiles.
North Korean citizens were overcome with joy upon hearing that North Korea was spending money on weaponry instead of less important items such as food. “I’m so happy that our leaders aren’t wasting their precious resources on little things like humans and are instead focussed on trying to launch these amazing rocks. Is this still recording?” said one citizen.
A complication that may thwart future development of the device is that North Korea is running out of rocks and may have to switch to less accurate dirt-balls.
North Korea is rumored to have recently conducted tests of the advanced weapon. The first test failed when the soldiers operating the slingshot passed out from laughing at the weapon. The second test resulted in one rock flying an astonishing two feet and the other rock knocking the commanding soldier unconscious. Kim Jong-il celebrated the “successful tests” by throwing bags of food at starving citizens from his Rolls Royce limo.
Satellite imagery shows that recent pressure from Washington and its allies is having little effect on North Korea’s ambitions. Several images show North Korea is also developing a catapult capable of firing starving North Koreans over the DMZ.