Novak Djokovic Eats Live Rottweiler!

Novak Djokovic has celebrated powering his way into the final of this year’s Australian Open by biting the head off a live Rottweiler and eating its heart while it was still beating in his hand.

The most frightening man in Tennis, believed by many to be a vampire android, said that he enjoys eating live animals and regularily stops in at his local pet store for snacks after tough matches.

“They taste good, and it’s so fresh ya?” he said in his accent.

It has been suggested that this behavior is used to indimidate his opponents but he laughs them off.

“I don’t eat them!” he said, still in his accent. “That’s murder, you can murder animals and eat them but not tennis players…no, and they taste of afershave too which sucks!”

He later said that they ‘might’  taste of aftershave and his eariler statement was in no way and admission that he had ever actually eaten a tennis player.

We asked top a top chef if he knew any good recipies for live animal.

“If you cook zem, zey ain’t alive so no, zis is a stupid question…fuck off!” He said, in his accent which although similar to Djokovic’s is not the same.

It seems that Novak isn’t the only one of our Eastern cousins who enjoys indulging in bizarre rituals after winning their matches.

It is rumoured that Maria Sharapova likes to stand on the main runway at Heathrow and shout above the sound of an Airbus A380 to let off steam when she wins.