Scientists have come up with a novel method of solving the dual problems of both weapons of mass destruction and overpopulation – by firing the world’s entire nuclear arsenal straight at the moon.
The new scheme, to be implemented in the early part of next year, will see Earth’s entire stock of ICBMs launched straight into the Lunar surface in the hope of creating a primordial atmosphere which will eventually lead to the creation of a habitable mini-planet.
Project leader, Professor Bino Preathers, told The Haddock; “This is definitely going to work. ‘Look, I saw a TV program with Brian Cox once and he said that Earth was originally thousands of nuclear reactions all going off at once which eventually cooled down to create an atmosphere. By this rationale all we need to do is fire off all our nukes at the moon and once they hit the surface the ensuing fallout will stay radioactive for around seventy years in accordance with a programme on the Cold War I saw on the History Channel last week. After that we’ll be able to land without space helmets, walk around, plant trees and build factories that can in turn build even more powerful weapons. Then we can have an Earth vs Moon fight to annihilation it’ll be awesome. Its scientific fact man. What? No, I can assure you its just a cigarette.”