Offaly Lonely Hearts

You think your heart is lonely? How about one that’s stuck in a cool bag being flown to a donor? Now that is lonely! A new organisation aims to soothe these lonely hearts by sending a volunteer to hug the cool bag and talk to the lonely heart offering love and reassurance on its journey to the new donor. The Lonely Offal Volanteer Ensemble will also accompany lungs, spleens and other organs on the way to their new homes.

“We’re chaperones,” said Crystal Myth, a druidess and leader of the Ensemble. “Like angels accompanying a soul back across the river of death to bring life to another and in so doing live on.”

Although they offer their services freely, in order to prevent the taxpayer footing the bill they have to chip in for the fuel bill and organise their own insurance.